I hurt myself on the outside to try killing the thing on the inside.

I don't know what this world wants of me
Sometimes it gets so hard,
I could barely breathe.
Heaven is full and hell doesn't want me.
God forsaken me.
I woke up 
fought against endless brutal wars and battles
Armed with only a heart and mind of a fighter
I lost blood
I lost my heart
I lost my mind
For a battle I struggled,
I lost myself.
I was all ready to fight
the demons from within me
and swallowed a grey and black smoke of air
into my inflamed lungs
courage and bravery
My left arm a bottle of whiskey
My right armed with a gun and bullet
The gun was pointed on my brain
and I reached for the trigger
and bang.
I shot a soldier,
a warrior,
a fighter,
an enemy.
I killed my enemy
I laughed whole heartedly
and woke up
and saw for myself
on top of that blood ground
laid a body
oh so familiar
And I walked with my heart in my mouth
I saw myself lost to that war and
battlefield.
I cried my heart out
screamed my lungs out

'I hurt myself on the outside to try killing the thing on the inside.'

I lost.