Hold my heart, it's beating for you anyways.

Remember the first time we talked? You've probably forgotten everything but I remember it so vividly and you're still stuck in my head. My heart is aching, but I know there is nothing I could possibly do about it. Because I am such a fool for you.

I tell myself that it's okay, because I didn't expect you to notice how your words managed to rip my heart apart and when you said good bye, it felt like forever.

I struggled in this vicious depression cycle, all alone with a face so full of tears. And I'm not going to pour my heart out for you because in the end it is still not enough to make you see that I am not okay.

Sometimes I just want to be good enough for you. Why can't you see that I am trying so hard just to get your attention? Why can't you see that I am struggling? Why can't you see the sacrifices I have made for you? Why can't you see that I have given up blood, sweat and tears for you?

Others tell me I am good enough and talented.

I doubt myself being good enough and talented because when it comes to you, I'm never good enough.

And because I was never good enough, I pushed myself to my limits.

I wanted so badly to be an all rounder.

I stayed up late every single night and studied just so that I can do well enough in my national exams and in my school work to be half as good as you are. Honestly, I am nothing but a failure in everything.

Sometimes I pretend I do not care but every once in a while I find myself back to the same place seeking for you. And sometimes I just wanted you to know that whenever I ever lose myself completely to the point where I can't be fixed, it was always you who had been keeping me alive. And sometimes, I realise I miss you so much to the point where my heart is breaking.

Those demons and monsters which have been talking to me at night, they weren't under my bed. They were from within my heart. And I remembered how my parents drove me to the hospital and how I imagined myself prying open the car door and fell hard onto the cold ground, with a face so full of tears. I pictured my body lying on the ground and at that time, a car might have already killed me. And as cold hard truth came straight in my face, it was as though my heart wasn't working that night. Nobody could fix me. And all of them became my enemy. I felt my stomach had a heart that throbs and mocks at me and my face was so full of tears as I mumbled to myself, ' I will live for your sake.'

I do like you very much but to tell you the truth would pull you away from me because you know, I know that you will never learn to love me.

the human heart is roughly the size of a fist

Did you ever wonder? why people gather when others die? why people feel they should?