I never knew what being strong was all about, until being strong was my only option.

I know it's pointless to like you because you'll never like me and you are so much more but I can't help but think maybe there's a chance. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone has ever felt about me the way I feel about the people I truly care for. Honestly, I'm not ready to lose you. I'm not ready to lose anyone just yet.

I am losing my thoughts and I can't seem to find the right words to describe how feel about anything. It's awful when I am always asking myself why I am not good enough and why you choose to leave me and I am left without answers.

I was completely devastated and I lost myself when I heard about it. I pretended that it was okay because they said that if you love someone and you want them to be happy, let them go. And one of the worst feeling I ever had was not knowing whether I should wait or give up.

I drowned myself with questions. Why did you choose her over me? Why are you so unfair to me? Why is it that you choose everyone else but me? Maybe because she is everything, I'm not. I've never loved someone so much until it hurts. And letting people go is so hard especially after investing so much time in them.

Last night I called you and I talked to you, telling you that it's okay and I'm really fine, because I didn't want you to worry and I didn't want you to feel bad about all of this. I admit I pretended that everything was okay. I never knew what being strong was all about,until being strong was my only option. I'm not going to pour my heart out for you because in the end it is still not enough to make you see that I am not okay.

I lose everyone else because I think that you were enough, maybe you are, after you left, no one was enough to fill that gap. Sometimes I want to tell you how unhappy I am or how hurt I am but I'm scared and I just hope that you'll notice it on your own and help me. When you left, so did my sanity and my happiness and sleep and the only thing that remained was the emptiness after losing you.

I will leave because right now that is the only thing I can do for you and besides, you don't need me anymore. It breaks my heart realising that everyone is moving on with their lives while I am still stuck here going no where fast. I don't know what's worst. Crying because I am upset or being unable to cry because I am too sad, beyond tears?

I hate it. I hate how you can hurt me and make me so weak and all I can do is accept it, yet unable to leave you like what you deserve. I'm always asking to be loved. I'm always asking too much. I'm always yelling and screaming my heart out but no one is listening to me. I pretended not needing you, pretended like words don't hurt, not being mind being left out, pretended to be happy, pretended that I was feeling fine and pretended like I never loved you. It hurts. And I knew that either of us is going to get hurt in the end and it's okay if I get hurt but I never want to hurt you.

You are the blood in my veins and losing you means losing my sanity and grip of reality, falling slowly into a hallucinatory fantasy.

After all, it's time to grow up, time to let go.